In Parshat Vayeitzei, when Yaakov arrives at the well in Charan after his dream, he sees shepherds waiting around instead of tending their flocks. He eventually rebukes them — “The day is still long… give the sheep to drink and go pasture them.”

But before he says a word of criticism, the Torah highlights something surprising:

“Vayomer lahem Yaakov: Achai — mei’ayin atem?”
“My brothers, where are you from?” (Bereishit 29:4)

Yaakov begins by calling them brothers.
Then he makes small talk.
Then he asks about Lavan.
Only after that does he challenge their behavior.

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A Simple, Deep Truth

Mussar without connection is noise.
Mussar with love becomes influence.

This is exactly how Chazal describe the way of Aharon.

In Pirkei Avot (1:12), Hillel says:
“Be of the disciples of Aharon — love peace, pursue peace, love habriyot, and draw them close to Torah.”

Why habriyot?

The term means creations — even if a person has nothing else going for them, the fact that they are Hashem’s creation is enough to obligate love.

Aharon didn’t start with rebuke.
He started with warmth, connection, and respect.
Because only after someone feels cared for will your words actually penetrate.

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The World We Live In

We live in a world filled with sinat chinam, where division is automatic and suspicion is the default.

People are quick to rebuke, shame, correct, and attack — and then wonder why nothing changes.

Yaakov models the opposite:

• Start with brotherhood.
• Lead with love.
• Speak heart to heart, not head to head.

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The Message

That’s the only path to unity.
It’s the only path to kiruv.
And it’s the only path to a Geula built on ahavat Yisrael, not on winning arguments.